Please Don’t Toss Me Aside

My son and I have a little after school routine.  Every.Single.Day. I walk across the street to meet him at the field behind his school.  I push my daughter in her stroller and wait for him patiently by the gate so we can walk home together.  Usually he greets me with a smile, I take his backpack and hook it on the stroller so he can walk freely, and we talk about his day and walk home.  On this particular day my son was watching a friend of his up ahead leave with his mom through the gate. I said hello and asked how his day went and he barely looks at me, throws his backpack in my direction on the ground and starts yelling for his friend.  He runs through the gate and after his friend. Without much time to think I grabbed his backpack and ran after him, afraid for his safety (there is a big intersection outside the gate). I scolded him on the rest of our walk home about leaving the school premises without me and for running ahead.  He got upset, said he understood but he really wanted to see his friend. He calmed down, as did I, and we went on with the afternoon.

A few hours later, my son started acting up when I was trying to help him with something and it set me off.  I have a bit of a temper and when I am tired, it’s much worse. My mind went to the memory of what had happened that afternoon and the image of my son just throwing his backpack at me and I got really upset.  I overreacted. I told my son he was very disrespectful and that he showed he cared more for his friends than me, and he didn’t obey our rule of staying with a parent on our walk home. My husband had him sit in his room and write a list of things that I had done to help him that day to help him understand how disrespectful and rude he had been to me after all the things I had done for him.  

He came back to us about 30 minutes later with a list.  By this time I had calmed down a bit and was ready to listen.  I don’t know what I was expecting but I was surprised. My son remembered that I had helped him find his dictionary to do his homework that day.  That I had sat and taught him how to look up a word and explained singular and plural word forms to him. He said that I played with him and watched him practice his martial arts.  It became clear to me that out of all the efforts I put forth to help him every day spending time with him was what stuck with him.  Admittedly by this time I was touched and we hugged it out.

I also realized how much I was overthinking this whole thing.  I kept thinking about how my son had tossed his backpack at me and ran away from me while I had spent time and effort to come and get him.  I thought he was taking advantage of me, not appreciating me, and putting his friends above me. I don’t think that’s the case at all. I know my son and he is a social little guy.  He wasn’t not thinking of his mama.  He was being impulsive and rash (probably got this from me) and acting on that without stopping and thinking about his choice.  We all do this sometimes. I think I make it about me more often than I should. He is a kid and kids make mistakes and it’s our chance to teach them and not take it so personal.  

I have already felt the positive effects of having this blog.  This space to reflect and get my thoughts out and in writing. It’s something I look forward to and has helped me rethink things in a more positive light.